Have I Been Abandoned?

There is no doubt about it – grief is a debilitating emotion and a journey that we all have to take. There are so many aspects to grief and grieving, that one can’t really begin to label them and it would be wrong to do so. Experiencing the touch of the spirit world can never be forgotten but over time, an individual may feel they have been abandoned yet again. Why? Because the elation that comes with just one experience with the spirit world is short lived and can leave the individual feeling abandoned once more.

When we lose a loved one, we often experience some form of connection from the other side. There are abundant stories of how loved ones have reached out with unusual signs and signals to let us know that they are around. For instance, one person may experience the unusual appearance of a butterfly or perhaps some other sign from the animal kingdom. Another may feel the touch of their loved ones from the other side in other unusual ways, including communication from electronic devices. For example, on one occasion during a sitting, a mother was told her daughter would connect with her through the phone, and she did. No matter how those experiences manifest, they are felt deeply at every conceivable level. But when no other experience is forthcoming, one can begin to feel a sense of disappointment and abandonment and develop a yearning to hold onto those deeply personal experiences. It’s rather like someone feeling the need to binge eat or drink, that feeling of euphoria wants and needs to be constant.

Have I been abandoned?

The answer is a resounding NO! But of course that is often unbelievable to the grieving individual who is suffering and trying to come to terms with their loss. Unless you continue to feel that comfort you experienced in the first realization of death, you will come to the conclusion that you have been abandoned.

So what has happened? Why do you feel such distance? There can be a few reasons for this, but the underlying truth is that you are not abandoned and that spirit is always trying to let you know of their presence. Let’s look at some possible explanations as to why you may feel the way you do and what could also be happening on the spirit side of life.

You have been given proof and recognized it

Oftentimes, when someone passes over to the other side and they have some prior spiritual awareness, they will be acutely aware of the loss that you are feeling and they will be compelled to reach out in some way and let you know they are alive and well and still a part of your life. This can come in many ways and could be signs of spirit from animal interaction, musical awareness, signs such as synchronistic events, smells and so much more.

When you recognize that it was your loved one, it also brings relief to the spirit who has gone home to longer feel that pull of your need to feel them –  they feel that they have proven their existence and so can now move to their next stage of learning. This does not mean they have left you, it just means they have moved onto the next phase of life and are no longer shackled to the earthly existence; they learn to feel you and commune with you on a different level, on a higher and clearer vibration.

Spirit moving on and developing does not mean you are abandoned

First edition (Burnside Rare Books)

When your spirit loved ones move on, they do not leave you. They have a higher spiritual awareness and are therefore pulled to continue their development and answer their call to service. There is a compelling need to serve in some capacity. In a trance communication noted in the book 30 Years Among the Dead, written in 1924 by Swedish-American psychiatrist and paranormal researcher Carl A. Wickland, MD, spirit clearly made it known they were serving in some way:

“I wish you could see how Uncle F. works in the dark earth sphere to help and to serve the unfortunate ones there, to prevent them from obsessing any one. He is so anxious to have everybody know the real truth on the other side, and it is a pity that so much dogma and creed are the stumbling blocks. The little time I have been gone I have learned so much.”

Many are called to service or are compelled to serve and to learn. Therefore, their vibrations change. As love is held upon that vibration, they are always connected to you through bonds of love. Those bonds will never be broken and the thought that is omitted is also that call on that love vibration.

The Fog of Grief

If you are grieving, you may be so deep in your grief that you fail to realize or recognize the signs that your loved ones are all around you. Imagine if you will, an impenetrable fog that you can’t see through. This is the epitome of your grief and your grieving. You can’t see the beauty of the spirit world because of that fog of grief. Your loved ones may be visiting you in your dream state, but can’t penetrate because of the heavy burden of your grief. They will be sending you signs in your everyday life, but because of your emotional state, your vibration emits a foggy shield that is akin to your ego protecting you in the material world but failing to open your spiritual eyes.

In your grief, you fail to see the blessings sent by your loved ones because you are so consumed with your loss and how it’s affecting you. This state of selfishness is not negative, it is just a part of learning about the grieving process. You should not feel bad about it because over time you will change and grow, and no longer be consumed by your loss and feeling abandoned; as you begin to emerge from the fog of grief, you will become more selfless and open to spirit.

Opening Your Spiritual Eyes

Spirit is Simple - Man Makes It Complicated

As a consequence of when that fog lifts, you begin to see the new land, like Columbus finally seeing the new world and you begin to look at things differently. You begin to notice that spirit is around you and never far from you. How is this achieved? Very simple:

~ Make a concerted effort to notice that which is beyond the material

~ Communicate with spirit on your own level

~ Speak from the heart

~ Become more mindful and engage with the here and now, rather than the past or future

~ Learn to meditate simply by connecting with yourself

The more you speak with your loved ones from your heart and not from a place of need, the easier that fog will lift and the sun will shine once more.

Note: This article was originally published in the Afterlife Magazine by The Otherside Press which has since joined the PDN group.

The Quiet Work of Healing: Mindfulness as a Companion Through Grief

There’s no handbook for grief. No checklist. No fast-forward button. Just you and your pain, moving at the speed of breath—if you can remember to breathe at all. I’ve come to believe that grief doesn’t ask to be solved; it asks to be witnessed. And in that witnessing, sometimes the most radical thing you can do is get still. Not to escape the pain, but to make room for it without letting it devour you. That’s where mindfulness can become something more than a buzzword. It becomes a kind of lifeline.

Meeting the Moment, As It Is

When you’re grieving, everything feels like it comes with jagged edges. The mind races with “what ifs,” regrets, flashes of memory, and that sudden ache in the chest when you remember they're really gone. Mindfulness won’t erase that ache—but it will help you meet it without flinching. It’s the practice of turning toward the moment, without trying to fix or flee it. That might sound simple, but in grief, it’s revolutionary. Instead of pushing emotions away or drowning in them, mindfulness invites you to sit beside them like old friends who don’t need to be solved—just heard.

Staying Open to Light: Mindfulness and a Positive Outlook

It’s easy to spiral when life feels heavy, but mindfulness gives you a way to pause before you slide too deep. By tuning into your breath or simply noticing your surroundings, you interrupt the loop of negative thought patterns that often reinforce grief or anxiety. Without forcing yourself to be cheerful, you start to notice small joys—warm coffee, birdsong, the way the sun lands on your skin—and that shift in awareness changes everything. By embracing the present moment without judgment, you create space for a more positive and balanced mindset.

Creating Tiny Rituals for Presence

Grief doesn’t operate on a schedule. It sneaks up in grocery stores, or when a song comes on the radio. You can’t predict it, but you can create small rituals that give your day structure and make space for your emotions. Lighting a candle at the same time every night. Journaling with your morning coffee. Touching a photograph and whispering a few words. These aren’t big, performative acts. They’re quiet ways of saying: “I’m still here. And so are you, in some way.” Mindfulness loves ritual, not for the sake of repetition, but for the presence it cultivates.

Grieving in the Body, Not Just the Mind

Most of us think of grief as a mental or emotional experience. But grief lives in the body too. You clench your jaw. You hunch your shoulders. You hold your breath without noticing. Mindfulness brings awareness to where your body is holding pain, so you can soften into those places. Practices like gentle yoga, body scans, or simply placing a hand over your heart can remind you that you are not just a brain grieving—you’re a whole person. Tuning into physical sensations can offer clues about your emotional state, even when you can’t name the feeling outright.

Letting the Mind Wander—But With Intention

Meditation doesn’t always mean sitting still in silence. Sometimes, mindful walking through your neighborhood, or even mindfully washing dishes, can be a salve for a restless mind. The key is not in silencing your thoughts, but in noticing them without getting tangled up. If a memory surfaces, you don’t have to shove it down or hold it tightly. You can let it pass like clouds across a sky. Intentional wandering is different from spiraling—it has boundaries. It says: “You’re allowed to feel this, but you don’t have to drown in it.”

Compassion Over Control

Grief often makes people feel like they’re doing it wrong. “Why am I still crying?” “Why can’t I get over this?” Mindfulness teaches you to replace judgment with curiosity. Instead of berating yourself for not being “better” by now, you start to ask, “What does this moment need?” That gentle pivot from criticism to compassion is one of the most powerful shifts you can make. You learn to treat yourself with the same tenderness you’d offer a friend—no timelines, no harsh expectations, just presence.

Learning to Coexist with Absence

There’s a cruel kind of magic in grief: the way it hollows out a space in your life that never fully fills back in. But mindfulness doesn’t try to patch over that absence. It helps you learn to live beside it. That’s the real practice—not erasing the loss, but living with the shape of it, the way a tree grows around a fence. With time, the absence becomes part of your landscape. Not a gaping hole, but a quiet space you return to with reverence instead of resistance.

The world doesn’t know how to grieve well. It wants you to move on, to get back to normal, to smile politely when someone asks how you’re doing. But healing doesn’t happen on anyone else’s timeline. Mindfulness reminds you that you don’t need to rush, perform, or pretend. You just need to show up—fully, honestly, breath by breath. And in that simple, radical act of presence, something starts to shift. Maybe not all at once, and maybe not visibly. But inside, a quiet seed of peace begins to grow. And that, somehow, is enough.

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