When Religion Stops You Healing From Grief

Grief is Often Misunderstood by Religions

Healing from grief, is an illusion. In fact, personally I am of the opinion that you cannot heal from grief. It is a journey and an experience that requires integration. It is a normal aspect of life. Yet, it can be more difficult than you think. However, it is often worse when you are bound by expectations and perceptions of others; when the religion you follow is ignorant of grief and bound by dogma. I have lost count of the times that I have been approched by loved ones left behind who are suffering more because of the ignorance and lack of understanding from their church or religious order.

If you have never suffered the pain of grief, it can be hard to empathize with the suffering that someone experiences when the loss of a loved one is the only thing on their mind. No amount of frivolous statements offering plastic coated comfort can help. And to compound matters, your religious beliefs may preclude you from experiencing the reality of the continuation of life after death.

In some world religion teachings, it seems that a belief in the afterlife is not at the forefront, and the attitude towards death can often do more damage than good. When someone is not allowed to move through the process of grief and is forced to carry out a ritual that is not in alignment with the individual’s soul, damage can set in very quickly. The grief experience is often worse and healing is an even longer way off.

You must learn to move through grief

Grief is your greatest teacher

Hearing that you may not be able to heal from grief is naturally hard to accept but can be explained in a better way. Grief is part of life in this earthly plane of learning and understanding. It is an emotion that teaches us great lessons, such as love, divinity, compassion and above all – forgiveness. It is not something that you heal from but is an emotion that you must experience in order to learn lessons and to grow spiritually.

Grief, however, will always travel with you, but in time, it will become a part of you. Like a child who cries, you learn to comfort it through the conditional love that you show. As the child of grief becomes a part of you, your loved ones in spirit will be able to see through the fog that your grief created. They want to communicate and let you know they are well and around you. But if your belief is not in alignment, you create blocks and distance yourself from them.

When belief stops you from healing

When your religion or circumstance, including learned environments, have a tunneled vision of life, it is often quite impossible for you to experience any form of communication with your loved ones on the other side. Did you know that all they want is to show you they still live and are unhindered from the shackles that earthly life confined them to? If you could see how happy they are, if you could awaken to the loving messages they continually send you, then you would know that life continues and not be hindered by man’s weak perceptions that often do more damage than good. You can then progress toward experiencing and moving through your grief and learning what you need to learn a little faster.

If you follow a particular religion that places no emphasis on the afterlife, then you risk causing more suffering to yourself and others around you. Some religions such as Buddhism, Baha’i Faith, Bon, Atheism (sort of religious belief) and Confucianism, do not place much emphasis on the afterlife. Therefore, when someone experiences loss and it has a crippling effect, they are hindered from moving through the grief process in a way that could help them suffer less. When their loved ones try and communicate with them in the subtle ways of the soul, it often goes unnoticed and unnecessary suffering continues.

A grieving individual may not follow any particular faith and still have an unyielding fear of a life hereafter. This normally stems from ingrained beliefs from family members or through educational theories. Whichever way, this grieving person tends to suffer just as much as the individual who follows a particular faith.

Imagine Less Grief

Imagine if you will, not feeling the fear, loss and pain that comes when you can no longer see the smile on the face of your loved one, hear their voice or see signs of them around you. Imagine if that did not exist and instead, understanding that your loved ones can and do communicate with you.

Learning the language of the soul enables you to accept your grief, comfort your grief like your child and feel your loved ones as alive and vibrant as they were in their earthly life. The truth is, your loved ones do communicate with you. In the quiet of your mind, in the spark of your soul, exists the energy of love, the eternal bond that never breaks, that comforts you during difficult times. You need not suffer anymore. Allow yourself to move through grief. Do not be imprisoned by dogmatic beliefs.

Note: This article was originally published in the Afterlife Magazine by The Otherside Press and has since joined the PDN group.

Learning to Move Through Fear Within Grief

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Fear of Dying - Fear of Living

Fear is an emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives, but most people are not aware that fear is also embodied within our grief journey. When not recognized, fear gives seeds to other emotions such as anger, guilt, regret and remorse. All of these emotions can invade you when you have lost a loved one and often it is very difficult to recognize them as being separate, as the cause of one may lead to another.

Fear is a destructive emotion and more so when you find yourself alone, or for want of a better analogy, the root and branch of your favorite tree has been cut off. Your security blanket has been ripped off and you start to face all sorts of bombardment from negative thoughts within your mind; thoughts that never serve you well.

Facing Your Fear

You may wonder why you never feel your loved ones near you or why, when you hear that someone else has had an amazing experience with the afterlife, you haven’t. The truth is that you could be blocking yourself through fear. If you continue to deny your fear, and choose not to face it, you will always block your loved ones in spirit.

There are many variations of fear within grief and each has an attachment to an emotion. Be it anger, regret, remorse or sadness, there is an element of fear that holds you back. In particular, we often fear things that we feel are out of our control and that can cause you to feel weak within yourself. Fear is just part of the illusion that blocks communication and there is nothing to fear but fear itself, after all.

Many faces of grief fear

~ Fear of being alone

~ Fear of living your life without your loved ones

~ Fear of life

~ Fear of guilt

~ Fear of disengaging

~ Fear of the material

~ Fear of the spiritual

Many counsellors often consider fear to be the same as anxiety. However, I would like to put another hypothesis forward and suggest that anxiety is a product of your fear. The very nature of fear means we actually fear – fear. And so, the cycle continues and you create a fog around you that is impenetrable to your loved ones in spirit. Fear is a natural part of you. It is the essence of your own being that teaches you valid lessons of spiritual growth.

The next by-product of this destructive emotion is, of course, anger. Anger of being left alone, anger with God, anger with family and anger at yourself. This emotion evolves from within you and intensifies your anxiety. Oftentimes, we can start to feel so dejected from humanity and distanced from love, that life does not feel like it is worth living anymore. Your anger has fed the fear, the fear has fed the anger and both have exacerbated the anxiety.

Communicating with loved ones in spirit

You will not be able to have the communion with your loved ones that you desire if you do not face your fear and anger, or the responsibility that you put upon yourself or the guilt that can also arise from within. Some people move through this phase quickly but others lock themselves in shackles that are manifested from within. Now is the time to break those self-created shackles of bondage and learn to communicate with your emotions in order to communicate with your loved ones.

So how do we move through this and how do we learn acceptance of fear? You must accept this as part of you and learn to communicate with your own being so that you reach an understanding within. It’s part of your emotional code, and is also related to lessons that you must learn. We need fear just like we need the ego, but we have to understand fear in order to learn the language of the soul. Once this is done, we can finally let go of the fear and join with our loved ones. I know it is easier said than done. The first stage is to allow yourself to fear, and don’t think of it as a bad thing. Accept it as you would hold a crying child in your arm and carry it with love to quell that fear within. Understanding and acceptance create compassion toward both our self and our fear.

How to move through emotions

Have a grief journal and note all the times when you feel fear. Write down your real feelings without having to explain yourself to anyone. Each time you finish writing, no matter how short or how long it is, finish with an affirmation that you allow your fear and anger to move through and past you like a gentle breeze. Do not fight it. Visualize it moving through you and write it to yourself. No one needs to know. It’s time to let go.

When you feel emotions rising within you again, take some time to just be – talk to your fear, talk to your anger or any other emotion that arises. Say something within such as:

~ I realize that you are there fear, and I accept that lesson, but you can’t stay. Leave now in love and blow forward in a spirits breeze. Goodbye fear!

Something like this for every emotion will help you to move beyond it and create a space for positivity, love, compassion and understanding. The very energy that spirit needs in order to reach you.

Breathe Through Your Fear

The breath is the very essence of life and is divine in nature. It also holds the keys to your emotions and they key to controlling your fear. And breath is the key to communication with loved ones.

We often take breathing for granted. It is a natural response and something we do without conscious thought. However, when we bring the mindfulness of our breathing from our consciousness, wonderful things ensue. In Bonds of Love Through Grief, we talked about the power and benefits of deep breathing. Now we can take this one step further to help you with your fear and your anger.

When you feel those emotions arising within you, it is important to recognize and validate them without feeding them. Take time to become aware of your breath and this time, breathe in deeply and exhale deeply. The space between the in breath and the out breath, is the space in which you let go.

Visualize your negative emotions all floating away on balloons – carried by a loving breeze. Do this 3 times in succession and then stop. Each time you do this when you feel those emotions, you will realign yourself with the real divine energy that is your true self. This is one of the first stages to learning to move through elements of grief that allow you to feel the love you thought you lost. Your loved ones in spirit are there and they are waiting.

Feel the fear and let it leave.

Blessings to you all.

Note: This article was originally published in the Afterlife Magazine by The Otherside Press which has since joined the PDN group.

Bonds Of Love Through Grief

From Spirit, Through Spirit, To Spirit

It’s easy for anyone who has yet to suffer grief or to really understand the concept, to say that your loved ones still love you; their bonds of love can never be broken. A counselor or therapist can say that you are still loved whilst looking into their notes or recounting information they have learned by theoretical study. A good medium can be the spark the transformational grief journey and provide comfort in knowing they are alive and well in spirit, but I know, and you know – that is not enough.

Feel The Love Through Your Grief

Love is constant and unassuming. The most powerful force in the universe. It captivates our soul and holds us close to its bosom. Part of the journey through grief is learning to feel, and to develop a clairsentient feeling that is the real you, rather than spout theory and repetitious patterns of the spoken word without feeling.

I have felt loss and like you, understand that everyone deals with grief in their own way. My own thoughts and understanding are part of my experience and perception. I do not maintain them to be truth to you, though they are truth to me. Perhaps it’s easier for me to journey through grief more than someone else due to the fact that I am a medium and do not believe in the afterlife.

Ah, now I have your attention and I know that you are thinking: How can a medium not believe in the afterlife? Allow me to explain. I do not believe, because believing implies disbelief or learned pattern of behavior due to someone else’s experience or perceptions. I KNOW the afterlife is real, and therefore I have no reason to believe; my knowing holds no inquiry and my faith is steadfast in the truth of this reality. Therefore, I also know how powerful love is and how the reality of the afterlife is fueled by love.

But, and I say this with some authority, I also know that when our loved ones leave this plane of existence, it is very difficult for the individual left behind who suffers the loss, to really and truly believe that their loved ones are still there and that their love is still as strong as it was when they could see, feel, hear and touch the material aspect of that soul's existence. No matter who you see for counsel, it is not as real as feeling the truth for yourself and no amount of spoken words will deeply comfort you. As I have maintained, you do not heal grief, you journey through it, you become part of it and you learn to love it as part of your experience – no matter how tough it may be.

Hearing The Voice Of Grief

One of the things you have to recognize, there is a voice of grief, but it is not a negative voice - it is a voice of love that calls to you every minute of the day, and you have to learn its language. Yes there are signs of the spirit world, and yes I know that no matter how many times you are told of these signs such as butterflies, music or words you hear, they will never make that impact until you learn how the voice calls to you and how you tune to its language. For every one sign that you may have recognized, there are thousands that you have missed. I hope that you will not miss these anymore and that after you take the first step on the grief journey, that you begin to hear faint voices in the distance, that ignition that causes the energy of love to pulsate though your soul and cleanse you from the hurt.

Learning to breathe again

So how do we begin? We relearn to BREATHE!

You came into this world through the breath of life and in that breath are all the secrets and keys to the universe. For the most part, we do not think about breathing. It is almost something we take for granted. But if I can show you how to recognize the reality of the secrets of the breath, then you will discover the secret keys to love, of knowing the reality of your soul’s energy. The space in-between the breath is where that secret is harbored, which is also the key to feeling and knowing that your loved ones still exist; the seeds of the energy of love, waiting to be tended to.

Learning to breathe again will help you unlock the power of the language of the soul, and over time, your experiences will become all the more vivid, real and healing. To start your journey to be able to deeply know and feel the love coming from your loved ones in spirit, all you have to do is set aside a short time each day and evening to breathe. It’s so easy to do. Here is a simple practice to help you get started.

Upon Waking 

When you begin to awaken in the morning, before you look at your clock, jump out of bed, worry about what you have to do that day, or feel trapped in the grip of grief and don’t want to face the day at all, I want you to just change the one thing. I want you to do nothing but breathe. Just take one deep breath, the deepest breath you can take and hold it for a moment. In that moment, try to focus on external signs of life. Listen for the birds, listen to nature awakening, listen to your heart. Breathe out, and on your out breath, be thankful to spirit or God or whatever you are comfortable with, and say this mantra in your mind:

Breathing, I remember myself.

Breathing, I awaken my soul.

Breathing, I am ready to see.

Breathing, I am aware.

Breathing, I am ready to receive.

Breathing, I am ready to heal.

Do this three times only and repeat this process every morning and evening.

Note: This updated article was originally published in the Afterlife Magazine by The Otherside Press which has since joined the PDN group.

Resources

Staying Connected: How to Talk to Lost Loved Ones During Grief - Pillars Of Grief

Send me your questions and thoughts.Welcome to another heartfelt episode of "Pillars of Grief."  Today we're delving into an aspect of grief that o...

pillarsofgriefpodcast.com

The Quiet Work of Healing: Mindfulness as a Companion Through Grief

Explore how mindfulness transforms grief by fostering presence and compassion. Discover rituals and practices to navigate loss and cultivate inner peace.

paranormaldailynews.com

Who is to Blame For Suicide and Are They Punished?

My friend committed suicide many years ago and I was amazed to hear what many people thought about the subject, and how much fear and suffering this belief caused amongst families. My job as a medium is more than providing evidence of the life hereafter. Like many other mediums, I am privy to information that non-mediumistic people can’t normally perceive; information which reflects the reality of our lives here on earth and the interaction of spiritual forces within our lives.

I have also seen the other side and walked in the garden of the spirit and while it may be easier for me to deal with the process known as death, losing a loved one never becomes easier, no matter how much you know and understand.

I am often asked if I believe in the afterlife, to which I retort, “Of course I don’t believe in the afterlife, that’s absurd.” I smile enigmatically when I see the glee in their faces when they think they may have got one over on me. Then I clarify what I actually mean by that: “I don’t believe in it because belief suggests that it may not be real. I know it’s real, therefore I know it’s true.” And that’s when I see the smile wiped from their faces. The reality that I know allows me to interact on a level that creates a communion with the other side.

Suicide Reality

Now to the act of suicide, why it happens and whether it can be influenced. The turmoil that one must experience before they finally take their own life is tremendous. To reach the point of no return where it feels as though there is nothing left to live for, even though loved ones may be nearby, and being unable to express their sadness and hopelessness, or see the wood for the trees, ending one’s life feels like the only way out.

Personally, I feel there are many reasons for suicide, but two reasons are probably more fundamental than others. One problem is the financial status or indeed the financial pit they may have fallen into, and the other is the lack of love in their lives or the lack of forgiveness. This is a type of grief where an individual feels so alone and unloved that they may not realize that loved ones are near to them. It is a sad fact that men in particular often find themselves in a such a stressful financial pit that the inability to provide for themselves or their families drives them to attempt suicide which appears to be ‘an easy way out’.

Loneliness is yet another facet of a loveless life. No one can really understand why or what it takes to push a human being over the edge. Many who attempt suicide, or think they are doing it – are merely crying out for help. Obviously there are times when this cry for help can go wrong and the individual passes by accidental means. No matter what, we will never really understand the state of mind of someone who is suffering so badly that they wish to end their life, thinking it an easier way out.

Potential Suicide Influences

Another disturbing and sad aspect of taking one’s own life, is that it’s cause can actually be at the feet of a negative influence. I would like to break down this aspect into to hypothesis of thought. One school of thought is:

Peer and Group Influence

In this case, an individual can be influenced by a group or cult pressure such as the mass murder-suicide in Jonestown, South America:

“On this day in 1978, Peoples Temple founder Jim Jones leads hundreds of his followers in a mass murder-suicide at their agricultural commune in a remote part of the South American nation of Guyana. Many of Jones’ followers willingly ingested a poison-laced punch while others were forced to do so at gunpoint. The final death toll at Jonestown that day was 909; a third of those who perished were children.” (history.com)

Order Of The Solar Temple

The Order of the Solar Temple was an attempted revival of the Knights Templar and is best known for the murder-suicide of 74 of its members in 1994–97. Established in 1984 in Geneva, and still inexistence today, the temple’s religious teachings incorporated a belief that the Earth would face a worldwide catastrophe in the mid-1990s and in anticipation of this apocalyptic event, members were led to believe that it was necessary to enter a higher spiritual plane. (Brittanica) These tragic events, of course, was clearly planned with the promise of a better life on the other side, as suggested by the farewell letters that were left behind.

The other school of thought is:

Malevolent Influence from Discarnate Beings

Information about malevolent influences has been gleaned from the other side of life with testimonies from esteemed pioneers such as Edgar Cayce, Carl Wickland, Red Cloud, Silver Birch and many more. There are also examples of evil influence in the Bible, Talmud, Quran and many other religious texts.

Evil influences, whether it be from a discarnate being or a malevolent intelligence, have the same parallel of the wanted outcome, that of the destruction of the human form and controlling the will of the individual under that influence. It can, therefore, be argued that many suicides could actually be at the hands of another being or intelligence and not the real will of the subjugated individual.

I know from two of my own cases in the past, that spirit influence was at the root of the desire to commit suicide. Both cases exhibited similar modus operandi from the discarnate intelligence, who I am glad to say, were rebuked and failed in their attempts.

Man-made doctrines Vs divinity

I am not going to discuss all aspects of the spirit world here, and for those of you that want to know more, it’s all in my book, “Deadly Departed – The Do’s, Donts and Dangers of Afterlife Communication.” But I do want to make a point so that you may feel a little comfort.

I mentioned before that many individuals who have sat with me privately or in groups have had a deep-rooted fear that the individual they love may not be in the place they call heaven or wherever else you believe exists. The turmoil and anguish they put themselves through are tremendous and I can’t help feeling that false doctrine is at the bottom of it all. After all – doctrine is of man and not divine in any way.

I have news for you; those who commit suicide are taken into the loving arms of spirit people in the spirit world who love and care for them until they reach their own awakening. Of course, those that are left behind often do not understand this and fear their loved one has gone to hell or a holding place, which can often cause great distress. You can be assured this does not happen, and if you can envision your loved one in the arms of a beautiful angel or your own loved ones who have passed over, you can rest peacefully, knowing that your loved ones are safe and well.

Ok, so now you are going to ask how I know this and I don’t blame you. There is a plethora of information that has come from beyond the grave time and time again – not only in readings but in trance séances where the evidence has been irrefutable. Scientists who investigate the afterlife have so much intelligence at their fingertips that skepticism in pseudo form is no longer valid. But where the divide exists is between the ignorance of science that has no idea about the mechanics of the afterlife and tries to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Probably the most satisfying evidence is the evidence that one witnesses in a private sitting when the loved one comes back and tells how it is from the horse’s mouth – along with the evidence required for the sitter. Often our loved ones will return to try to allay the fears of those they left behind by little telltale signs they are still around. Much of the time, these signs are missed or ignored because of the deep grief that one may be experiencing or indeed because of other perceptions based on doctrines or other man-made theories.

Loved ones will often visit in your dream state just to let you now that all is well but sadly, the individual receiving the message will often put this down to their grief and need to feel they are alive. Other small signs such as hearing them calling you or manipulating energy in your environment are also often missed or dismissed. If you could only know – not believe – what I know, you would take comfort in knowing that your loved ones are not in a terrible place if they took themselves over. They are in loving arms and will let you know they are well.

In closing, what you must know is that suicide is not the easy way out, as one still has to work through things in the spirit world. This will be featured in a further article.

We All Have a Latent Ability for Afterlife Communication

With regard to afterlife communication, over my many years in being of service to those who are grieving, and to spirit, there is one thing that I feel many mediums miss: “When does the medium’s journey end and the sitter’s begin? Many mediums will continually read for a sitter, believing they are always helping and while an aspect of this is true, much of it is self-serving.

Communication between grieving individuals and their loved ones in the Spirit World is a divine right and it must be recognized that the gift of communication with Spirit World is not only bestowed upon individuals who are destined to serve in that capacity. There is a latent ability in everyone to connect with their loved ones in spirit and this is why I believe that the next step in the grieving process is to learn the language of the soul - the subtle nuance of spirit language, tone and vibration that will allow you to receive that wonderful communication from your loved ones on the other side.

Whilst some of us can play a symphony it does not mean that you can’t learn the tune.

Our divine right to afterlife communication

A medium plays a role as an intermediary between those that have journeyed to the spirit world and those individuals left behind and lost in grief upon the earth plane. However, mediums also have the outstanding job of being the catalyst – not to the healing, but to the next stage in the grief journey. It is my opinion that a sitter would give anything to be able to move forward in their grief and learn how to communicate with loved ones on their own. What may seem impossible to many is entirely possible and is, in fact, your divine right. Though many proponents of mediumship would have you believe that it is such an extraordinary ability, the truth is that you have it, too. And yes, some of us have a unique mediumship ability but are no more special than you are as a divine being with divine power at your fingertips. This is the power that you need to become aware of and understand. Now.

The first step that you must take is to become aware of your afterlife communcation ability, which does not necessarily mean joining meditation groups, courses, and circles. All of this has a place, and is dependent on what your destiny is and the lessons you have to learn or teach. These days, there are many researchers and people advancing afterlife communication studies in leaps and bounds, including my good friend Dr Craig Hogan with his ADC (After Death Communication) and Dr Gary Schwartz’s Soul Phone work. This alone tells us that there is a need for people to awaken to the reality that afterlife communication is more than possible. Naturally, not everyone will be able to take part in these programs, but there are various steps you can take, the most important being to learn to be aware of being aware.

​Learning to be aware of being aware

Now, that may sound rather far fetched and I hear you saying, “Jock, how can I become aware if I am aware or learning to be aware?” The answer is in between. It is the space between the words, between the letters, between the thoughts. It has always been there and always will be. If you hold your finger in front of your eye and move it, you complete a circle of events, such as motor neurons firing and the material aspect of the brain responding to that given stimuli. Contemplate this - what about the time and space between the intention and that action, the energy that evolves the thought process?

Afterlife communication is simple, all be it that we often drive ourselves away by allowing our ego to take control. The ego, rather like a crying child, needs to be loved and pampered. It is a part of you and a necessary aspect of Yin and Yang. But learning about the reality of you and recognizing that you have divine power, is the first stage of learning awareness.

The rest is as natural as breathing, and understanding that harnessing and cultivating our inner power is very much a part of the breath aspect. When you see something beautiful or listen to a song that makes your heart sing, breathe it in and capture all the wonder of that moment in your soul. Feel every rhythmic movement of your breath and its connection with nature. From opening your eyes in the morning and other simple things that you may take for granted.

The more you concsiously breathe it all in, the more aware and centred you will become. This is an integral part of learning the language of the soul; it calms you at a deep level within and without, and over time, you will feel ready to start connecting loved ones. Spirit responds through nature and not in words; it is in feeling and breathing; the energy of awareness is your language. Take up the art of soul language today, as it will soon have you on your way to a beautiful discourse. Enjoy exercising your divine right to communicate with the Spirit World and harnessing your inner power. Let us know about your experiences in the comments.

Links

Awareness is our forgotton power of divinity within.

The key to finding blessings in times of darkness lies in cultivating true awareness and harnessing our forgotton power of divinity within.

paranormaldailynews.com

Altered States of Conscious Awareness

Using our innate ability to enter altered states of conscious awareness leads us closer to knowing who we really are and co-creating life on our terms.

paranormaldailynews.com

Have I Been Abandoned?

There is no doubt about it – grief is a debilitating emotion and a journey that we all have to take. There are so many aspects to grief and grieving, that one can’t really begin to label them and it would be wrong to do so. Experiencing the touch of the spirit world can never be forgotten but over time, an individual may feel they have been abandoned yet again. Why? Because the elation that comes with just one experience with the spirit world is short lived and can leave the individual feeling abandoned once more.

When we lose a loved one, we often experience some form of connection from the other side. There are abundant stories of how loved ones have reached out with unusual signs and signals to let us know that they are around. For instance, one person may experience the unusual appearance of a butterfly or perhaps some other sign from the animal kingdom. Another may feel the touch of their loved ones from the other side in other unusual ways, including communication from electronic devices. For example, on one occasion during a sitting, a mother was told her daughter would connect with her through the phone, and she did. No matter how those experiences manifest, they are felt deeply at every conceivable level. But when no other experience is forthcoming, one can begin to feel a sense of disappointment and abandonment and develop a yearning to hold onto those deeply personal experiences. It’s rather like someone feeling the need to binge eat or drink, that feeling of euphoria wants and needs to be constant.

Have I been abandoned?

The answer is a resounding NO! But of course that is often unbelievable to the grieving individual who is suffering and trying to come to terms with their loss. Unless you continue to feel that comfort you experienced in the first realization of death, you will come to the conclusion that you have been abandoned.

So what has happened? Why do you feel such distance? There can be a few reasons for this, but the underlying truth is that you are not abandoned and that spirit is always trying to let you know of their presence. Let’s look at some possible explanations as to why you may feel the way you do and what could also be happening on the spirit side of life.

You have been given proof and recognized it

Oftentimes, when someone passes over to the other side and they have some prior spiritual awareness, they will be acutely aware of the loss that you are feeling and they will be compelled to reach out in some way and let you know they are alive and well and still a part of your life. This can come in many ways and could be signs of spirit from animal interaction, musical awareness, signs such as synchronistic events, smells and so much more.

When you recognize that it was your loved one, it also brings relief to the spirit who has gone home to longer feel that pull of your need to feel them –  they feel that they have proven their existence and so can now move to their next stage of learning. This does not mean they have left you, it just means they have moved onto the next phase of life and are no longer shackled to the earthly existence; they learn to feel you and commune with you on a different level, on a higher and clearer vibration.

Spirit moving on and developing does not mean you are abandoned

First edition (Burnside Rare Books)

When your spirit loved ones move on, they do not leave you. They have a higher spiritual awareness and are therefore pulled to continue their development and answer their call to service. There is a compelling need to serve in some capacity. In a trance communication noted in the book 30 Years Among the Dead, written in 1924 by Swedish-American psychiatrist and paranormal researcher Carl A. Wickland, MD, spirit clearly made it known they were serving in some way:

“I wish you could see how Uncle F. works in the dark earth sphere to help and to serve the unfortunate ones there, to prevent them from obsessing any one. He is so anxious to have everybody know the real truth on the other side, and it is a pity that so much dogma and creed are the stumbling blocks. The little time I have been gone I have learned so much.”

Many are called to service or are compelled to serve and to learn. Therefore, their vibrations change. As love is held upon that vibration, they are always connected to you through bonds of love. Those bonds will never be broken and the thought that is omitted is also that call on that love vibration.

The Fog of Grief

If you are grieving, you may be so deep in your grief that you fail to realize or recognize the signs that your loved ones are all around you. Imagine if you will, an impenetrable fog that you can’t see through. This is the epitome of your grief and your grieving. You can’t see the beauty of the spirit world because of that fog of grief. Your loved ones may be visiting you in your dream state, but can’t penetrate because of the heavy burden of your grief. They will be sending you signs in your everyday life, but because of your emotional state, your vibration emits a foggy shield that is akin to your ego protecting you in the material world but failing to open your spiritual eyes.

In your grief, you fail to see the blessings sent by your loved ones because you are so consumed with your loss and how it’s affecting you. This state of selfishness is not negative, it is just a part of learning about the grieving process. You should not feel bad about it because over time you will change and grow, and no longer be consumed by your loss and feeling abandoned; as you begin to emerge from the fog of grief, you will become more selfless and open to spirit.

Opening Your Spiritual Eyes

Spirit is Simple - Man Makes It Complicated

As a consequence of when that fog lifts, you begin to see the new land, like Columbus finally seeing the new world and you begin to look at things differently. You begin to notice that spirit is around you and never far from you. How is this achieved? Very simple:

~ Make a concerted effort to notice that which is beyond the material

~ Communicate with spirit on your own level

~ Speak from the heart

~ Become more mindful and engage with the here and now, rather than the past or future

~ Learn to meditate simply by connecting with yourself

The more you speak with your loved ones from your heart and not from a place of need, the easier that fog will lift and the sun will shine once more.

Note: This article was originally published in the Afterlife Magazine by The Otherside Press which has since joined the PDN group.

The Forgotten Divine Power of Awareness

With the world in a state of seemingly endless turmoil, rather than jump into the new age fad of labeling this time as a great awakening, it is wiser to look at the lack of awareness related to how we arrived at this moment in time, and what we can do to move through it. The reality is, man has deceived man and tried to control the balance of human nature for his own gain. Now we are seeing divine law and karma in operation and although there are great lessons to be learned, many people are suffering needlessly.

Darkness Awakens!

There is a great saying that in times of darkness there is always a blessing but finding it is often easier said than done. No matter what we have come to expect or no matter how much knowledge one has amassed, the playing out of the action of that knowledge is often lost in nothing but theory without action.

I have lost count of the number of people who have reached out to me privately to express the upset, anguish, and anxiety they face on a daily basis. Anxiety at this time is at an all-time high and fear which brings forth that anxiety is eating away at many souls; then you have the added aspect of grief and its many faces, even without losing loved ones – we are all grieving the loss. We have lost parts of our identity and life as we perceived it and that loss can become the catalyst to inner turmoil and suffering.

A Call to Action

When this happened to the people of the world, I knew that people would need an outlet for their emotions and to express their grief and anxiety. I made an announcement in social media that I would be available on a private basis to help anyone who needed it, anyone who needed spiritual counsel, and the messages flooded in. Now, this was not for private sittings, nor to feed some need within myself and it cost nothing but time. It was to truly exemplify what Silver Birch meant when he said:

“The greatest gift you can give humanity is the gift of service.”

This was one small way that I could serve privately without pomp and circumstance.

As the messages came flooding in, one individual after another that needed comfort and spiritual counsel, poured out their souls. They were looking for some kind of direction, to understand – why? Now, I am not a person that holds all the answers but I like to be led by the divine power within, and of course, allow the great spirit to lead those who need words of comfort. But one thing that began to stand out to me was a pattern that emerged with almost everyone I spoke to - they had no true awareness and needed to understand themselves more at this time. So an awareness of that pattern was all they really needed to navigate these turbulent waters.

Photo Credit: John Hain, Pixabay

Without Awareness We are a Story Without a Book

Anything in life starts with awareness, for without awareness we do not truly live, as we have no real capacity to know time in the present and the experience of the present moment. Without awareness, we are an empty dream without a story. We are a story without a book and a book with no audience. Awareness is indeed the key to change, for with awareness we have the choice to unlock that door. Awareness is actually a divine power often forgotten.

Most individuals that I conversed with were only aware of what they were told or shown according to others’ perceptions. They were not aware of themselves and were merely following what it was that others perceived. The outcome, of course, was deeper entrenchment in the material realm and becoming further separated from the power of spirit or the divinity within.

The type of awareness that arose within themselves was the ego’s awareness and not that of the inner power of divinity within. Therefore, all the ugly emotions and aspects of past actions or grief from loss, all come to the surface. As a result, one begins to question truths and lay the blame squarely at the feet of divine power – while feelings of anger and abandonment surface.

I asked one individual if they prayed for help, and they confirmed they did. I then asked if they considered that their request for help was answered, and they said no. I asked if they felt abandoned and they said yes, by God and I replied, if you think you are abandoned and your prayer has not been answered, then who am I at this time? The gateway to moving through turbulent times is to trust in the power of the divine, and the answers will always come. But without awareness, they are lost.

Photo Credit: Jills, Pixabay

Acceptance & Forgiveness

When we do not accept things as they are, we cannot change them. It is with non-acceptance that we fight with a power external to oneself and give our power away to material power. By accepting things as they are, we have the power to move forward by placing faith in our inner power of divinity, and understanding that acceptance simply means to be at one with source of all things and supply of all things. We accept and therefore we are. We become the power that is latent within.

The other emotion or power (depending on how you see it) that many were missing was that of forgiveness. During a time of self isolation, all sorts of emotions such as guilt, fear and a disdain for oneself can come to the surface. In all but one conversation, the reality was that forgiveness was only a pattern of external action that had no real power for the self; it merely became glibly spoken words and thoughts with no pattern, to cause creation. The missing aspect was that we experience everything in life as an inner experience and none of them had forgiven themselves. Nothing is experienced outside of oneself and so to forgive on an external plane holds no power.

When these individuals realized that all of their desired changes could happen through learning the true power of internal forgiveness, everything changed – at that moment. By learning to forgive from within, you choose acceptance, you choose non-suffering and in that respect, you release that which is holding you prisoner. All the external elements of forgiveness of others are already done because they did not exist in the timeline where suffering exists. You are now beginning to recognize the power of love within you.

AAFT – Awareness, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Transformation

Transformation takes place when acceptance and forgiveness are brought into harmony, which, in turn, awakens one to the power of love without condition. No matter the changes to your circumstances, you find peace within the acceptance and forgiveness you exemplify. You then find that you are the power within the source and holding the power at that moment means that your external reality is merely what is created outside of you – and the power to change things lies within you. Every experience is within oneself and to become aware of the power within, allows you to bring harmony and peace to any situation you find yourself in.

You are the power, you have the power to accept and to change and to know love without condition.

To this day, I still respond to those in need and I use the same 4 steps to awaken change: AAFT – Awareness, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Transformation.

Photo Credit: PopcornSusanN, Pixabay

Note: This article was originally published in the Afterlife Magazine by The Otherside Press which has since joined PDN publishing.

Image used in article header was sourced from Canva

The Quiet Work of Healing: Mindfulness as a Companion Through Grief

There’s no handbook for grief. No checklist. No fast-forward button. Just you and your pain, moving at the speed of breath—if you can remember to breathe at all. I’ve come to believe that grief doesn’t ask to be solved; it asks to be witnessed. And in that witnessing, sometimes the most radical thing you can do is get still. Not to escape the pain, but to make room for it without letting it devour you. That’s where mindfulness can become something more than a buzzword. It becomes a kind of lifeline.

Meeting the Moment, As It Is

When you’re grieving, everything feels like it comes with jagged edges. The mind races with “what ifs,” regrets, flashes of memory, and that sudden ache in the chest when you remember they're really gone. Mindfulness won’t erase that ache—but it will help you meet it without flinching. It’s the practice of turning toward the moment, without trying to fix or flee it. That might sound simple, but in grief, it’s revolutionary. Instead of pushing emotions away or drowning in them, mindfulness invites you to sit beside them like old friends who don’t need to be solved—just heard.

Staying Open to Light: Mindfulness and a Positive Outlook

It’s easy to spiral when life feels heavy, but mindfulness gives you a way to pause before you slide too deep. By tuning into your breath or simply noticing your surroundings, you interrupt the loop of negative thought patterns that often reinforce grief or anxiety. Without forcing yourself to be cheerful, you start to notice small joys—warm coffee, birdsong, the way the sun lands on your skin—and that shift in awareness changes everything. By embracing the present moment without judgment, you create space for a more positive and balanced mindset.

Creating Tiny Rituals for Presence

Grief doesn’t operate on a schedule. It sneaks up in grocery stores, or when a song comes on the radio. You can’t predict it, but you can create small rituals that give your day structure and make space for your emotions. Lighting a candle at the same time every night. Journaling with your morning coffee. Touching a photograph and whispering a few words. These aren’t big, performative acts. They’re quiet ways of saying: “I’m still here. And so are you, in some way.” Mindfulness loves ritual, not for the sake of repetition, but for the presence it cultivates.

Grieving in the Body, Not Just the Mind

Most of us think of grief as a mental or emotional experience. But grief lives in the body too. You clench your jaw. You hunch your shoulders. You hold your breath without noticing. Mindfulness brings awareness to where your body is holding pain, so you can soften into those places. Practices like gentle yoga, body scans, or simply placing a hand over your heart can remind you that you are not just a brain grieving—you’re a whole person. Tuning into physical sensations can offer clues about your emotional state, even when you can’t name the feeling outright.

Letting the Mind Wander—But With Intention

Meditation doesn’t always mean sitting still in silence. Sometimes, mindful walking through your neighborhood, or even mindfully washing dishes, can be a salve for a restless mind. The key is not in silencing your thoughts, but in noticing them without getting tangled up. If a memory surfaces, you don’t have to shove it down or hold it tightly. You can let it pass like clouds across a sky. Intentional wandering is different from spiraling—it has boundaries. It says: “You’re allowed to feel this, but you don’t have to drown in it.”

Compassion Over Control

Grief often makes people feel like they’re doing it wrong. “Why am I still crying?” “Why can’t I get over this?” Mindfulness teaches you to replace judgment with curiosity. Instead of berating yourself for not being “better” by now, you start to ask, “What does this moment need?” That gentle pivot from criticism to compassion is one of the most powerful shifts you can make. You learn to treat yourself with the same tenderness you’d offer a friend—no timelines, no harsh expectations, just presence.

Learning to Coexist with Absence

There’s a cruel kind of magic in grief: the way it hollows out a space in your life that never fully fills back in. But mindfulness doesn’t try to patch over that absence. It helps you learn to live beside it. That’s the real practice—not erasing the loss, but living with the shape of it, the way a tree grows around a fence. With time, the absence becomes part of your landscape. Not a gaping hole, but a quiet space you return to with reverence instead of resistance.

The world doesn’t know how to grieve well. It wants you to move on, to get back to normal, to smile politely when someone asks how you’re doing. But healing doesn’t happen on anyone else’s timeline. Mindfulness reminds you that you don’t need to rush, perform, or pretend. You just need to show up—fully, honestly, breath by breath. And in that simple, radical act of presence, something starts to shift. Maybe not all at once, and maybe not visibly. But inside, a quiet seed of peace begins to grow. And that, somehow, is enough.

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